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voices

March 16, 2013

“Yet for all his eloquence, there was something that pestered Gorgias throughout his life. In spite of his inimitable ability to domesticate language so that even the most elusive of concepts would play like docile animals at his every command, he was frustrated by the fact that even a wordsmith such as he couldn’t effectively communicate his innermost experiences to another listener in a way that perfectly reflected his private reality. Dressed up in language and filtered through another person’s brain, one’s subjective experiences are inevitably transfigured into a wholly different thing, so much so that Gorgias felt it fair to say that the speaker’s mind can never truly be known. Thoughts said aloud are mutant by nature. No matter how expertly one plumbs the depths of subjective understanding, Gorgias realized to his horror, or how artistically rendered and devastatingly precise language may be, truth still falls on ears that hear something altogether different from what exists in reality.”   -p.10-11, “The Belief Instinct” by Jesse Bering

Why do I (or we? i think ‘we’) long to know others and be known by others? Is that why I created this blog? And I’m thinking, even the fact that I have a blog seems so unlike me- in a way. I mean, it seems like something I know that I would do but… like something other people would be surprised by. And my husband WAS surprised- very surprised- when I told him I created a blog. I told him I surprised myself. And I did surprise myself… But I also know that this is something I would definitely do (and finally did)… But why? Why did I do it? I told myself that this is a space for me to share beautiful quotes and poems and pictures- just a place to share beauty, or pieces of myself. But I realize now that it’s liberating and exciting to make it more personal- to make myself more vulnerable- to open myself to judgment, even though that seems exhausting right now. And why do I want to make myself vulnerable if that could lead to negative feedback, and then that could lead to more insecurity- more insecurity than I already experience? I don’t know… Maybe because it’s fun… exciting… and because it’s so amazing to connect with other people in such an honest, intimate way, especially people I don’t even know- an unknown audience, people who have never seen me, may never see me, etc. It feels… like my world expands… It feels like when I was in college and I’d come back to my dorm room after getting drunk at a party and I’d write an enormously long email (usually to my most current crush) about my deepest thoughts and desires, because life felt alive and real and free… and it seemed so annoying how people put on such thick masks and I didn’t want to live like that and I only seemed to have the courage to not live like that when I was drunk and I haven’t felt that feeling for awhile…

Anyways, if you read this: thanks for reading it. Reallyreally. Thanks.

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